The base definition of yoga is union.  We could reflect on that and explore union of the breath with the body or union of the body, mind and spirit.   Another way to look at it, like peeling away the layers of an onion is that yoga reveals the true self.  However, to get to the true self sometimes we need to look at the ways that we are identifying more with the false self.  

The Klesas from yoga philosophy are a wonderful lens to get real and look at the may faces of the false self.  The Klesas speak of hindrances or obstacles to the true self and finding true contentment.  From a yogic perspective contentment does not mean happiness it means being ok with what it which speaks to the first of the klesas avyida or spiritual ignorance which means we suffer when we are not ok with our current reality or the brilliance of our true self is obstructed by this or one of the other klesas.  The other klesas including egoism, either inflated or deflated, attachments, aversions, and fear. 

So we could deconstruct all of these obstacles a bit more but I wanted to share a real life example of application of the klesas to gain insight into the working of the mind and how reflection can reveal which one of the klesas might be causing suffering. 

So last evening the dinner topic turned to 401 K’s, investments, and planning for the future.  Once again, my husband brought up how much better off we would be if I had chosen to work full time my entire career, rather than work part time to be available for the children growing up and to pursue my true passion of teaching yoga.  

Triggered again, I even dropped an F bomb or two which is so not like me, but in that moment a perceived reflection of my husband not respecting my personal decisions and goals had me seeking a release or to silence the threat.  After some time alone on my yoga mat I gradually felt the grip of these emotions loosen, like the veils of the klesas billowing and revealing the real issue here.

Let’s just be honest with ourselves, no one can trigger us, we are the trigger.   Lightning bolt realization for me.  Yes, my husband will always be himself, he has his own work to be done in this world.  I can accept him as is or I can suffer.  I choose to accept him and myself with all our faults and failings.  Because it is in recognition of the faults and failings that awareness grows and gives us the opportunity to move through some of our stuff, also called the klesas! 

So, after feeling a bit in the muck about all of this, I sat with it and realized the klesa that tends to dominate my personal sufferings is ego.  I honestly still have not unearthed where my samskara of not being seen, heard and valued came from.   Who knows maybe it is a universal samskara of being a human, which I suspect it is or perhaps from being born female?   My husband’s discussion of my income and personal choices can be like fingernails on a chalk board screaming you are not enough, you are not enough.   I see you klesa but I am not you.   Thank you for reminding me of the intricacies of the mind and psyche and that I am more than my job, my income and my role as a mother.  I am spirit moving through me like the wind moving through a canyon. 

Will this klesa raise its ‘ugly head’ again?  You know it will.   I love that T. K. V. Desikachar in his book the Heart of Yoga entitles his chapter discussing the klesas as “The Things that Darken the Heart”.   We can be so afraid of the dark, afraid to examine ourselves.  However, a life more examined reveals both darkness and light, more glimpses of our true selves which are untouched by the changing circumstances of our lives.   Desikachar’s next two chapters are entitled “The World Exists to be Seen and Discovered and the World Exists to Set us Free”, in which he speaks more on the 8 limbed path of yoga.   I might elude also to the fact that our true selves exist to set our worldly selves free.  

As my evening came to a close, I picked up a book that has been calling to me The Endless Practice by Mark Nepo and like a trusting Christian opening their Bible to just the right page for inspiration, I opened Mark’s book to find my inspiration and validation. Wisdom teachers are everywhere.  So, I leave you with the wisdom that Mark and the Universe had for me last evening.   His wisdom reminds me that we must be willing to be vulnerable to examine ourselves, to perhaps see the shadows as a doorway to the light.  Consider what a shadow truly is, without light there is no shadow!  “For me, the purpose of faith is to be buoyant in the ocean of all there is.  I’m no longer interested in faith in-what, but simply faith in everything larger than me.  I’d rather experience this than name it.  And being human, there are always cloudlike veils that drop between us and direct living.  Sometimes, we have to part the veil with the clarity of our mind. Sometimes, we have to let the rush of our heart billow the veil away.  Sometimes, we need the love of others to pull the veil aside.  Parting the veil is a working act of faith; an act of ultimate concern; an act of bringing all of who we are to bear on opening ourselves up when we’re shut down.  For when we’re shut down, we tend to sink.  When we’re open we tend to meet the buoyancy and rise.”