Have you ever struggled with that nagging feeling that you are not measuring up?  Maybe it’s to yourself and your ideas of where you should be or perhaps it’s a cultural thing.   I am a victim of this too.  Often one of the first questions I ask a new person I’ve met is “what do you DO?”  With the inner question of what have you accomplished? How many degrees do you have?    Why is it that this doing part of us is so inherently woven into the fabric of who we think we are.  Of course, as humans we have intelligence and skills that do help us accomplish big things and sometimes help the world but if the doing is the only doorway to being ‘us’, are we not neglecting the soulful work of being, resting, restoring and truly getting to know ourselves? 

This getting to know ourselves and having a relationship with God can greatly optimize our potential and what we can ultimately offer the world.  I have a job in the medical field where I tend to chat with my patients to distract them from their medical test, the other day, I am not sure how or why this popped out of my mouth, but I said my only super power is kindness.   I feel this to be true in my heart but sometimes there is still the nagging… am I enough?  Am I doing enough?   Do I even matter moments.

So lets get back to the I AM.   Perhaps why these two words whisper to me with a sense of blessed assurance and a feeling of OKness that has nothing to do with my age, job title or worldly accomplishments is because these two words are strongly stated, over 300 times in the Bible.  The first time is familiar to most and is said to Moses at the burning bush in the chapter of Exodus.   God said to Moses, I  am who I am.  This is what you are to say to the Israelites: I am has sent me to you.  – Exodus 3:14. Out of the root I am or He is, comes Yahweh or Lord.  Interestingly Jesus’s name from Greek means ‘The Lord Saves’ or I Am Saves. 

 The way that God speaks of himself speaks volumes about who he is to us.   He is not a ruler or an angry man in the sky, he is a present being; ever present, everywhere, timeless and most importantly loving and gracious.  When we know who God is, I think it helps us to understand who we are.   The bible frequently reminds us that we are not perfect but if we aim to embody some of the characteristic of God and his son Jesus we can feel as if we are cocreating with God to Be the human he would like us to Be, rather than doing and doing until we are done, exhausted and lacking in spiritual direction. 

Jesus himself spoke of his own characteristics in seven different I Am statements found in the chapter of John.   Let’s consider just a few of them as an example of how we can deepen our relationship with Him and also how we can deepen our relationship with ourselves.   I am the light of the world. –John 8:12.  Honestly, this is one of my favorite bible verses, it speaks so simply of the I AM.  He is the source of our life, guidance and illumination and honestly so are you!  Because we are born with the light of God’s spirit within us, yes, we need to cultivate it and recognize it, but when we do this, we are also self-sustaining.   We cultivated this sense of self-sustaining, guidance and illumination when we take the time to get quite and simple be and know that WE ARE.   We could add words to this WE ARE, such as loved unconditionally by a loving God or simple feel it and not in an egocentric way at all but in a way that feels like we are being gazed at by God and he emotes ‘you are mine and that is enough’.

Here is one more I AM statement from Jesus, this time from John 15:1-5, I am the true vine.     By aligned ourselves to Jesus, we enable His life to flow in and through us. In this way we cocreate or take action in the world with more intention.  In this way we cannot help but bear fruit, or create in the world in a way that serves God as well as our true selves.  If you are interested in a bit of study, consider finding the other five I AM statements in the book of John that Jesus makes and see what they bring up for you.

So how can we bring some of these ideas to fruition in our own life?  Here are just a few!  In late summer it was hot around here and there were some stressful times bringing up some mental heat for me as well, I found myself taking multiple showers a day!  In a conversation with my husband, I reflected that I needed the physical shower, of the water as well as yoga and exercise to clear myself or to remember who I was.  I also needed ways to shower mentally and emotionally.   What works for you?   I know for me, yoga is always a win, rebalancing all of my layers so to speak.   Truly getting still especially alone in nature also helps me reset and remember who I AM.  This deep knowing and felt presence of God’s gaze is generally found nowhere else for me.  So, I seek him, so I can remember who I am and move into the world with more grace and mercy.

I leave you with one practice to try on, if you so choose.  This is a meditation that has served me on and off for many years.  It is the So Hum meditation.  The So means I am.  The Hum means That.  When I do this practice, I often inhale So, exhale Hum.   Inhaling So, aligning with my I AM, my God, my spiritual nature.   Exhaling aligning with my HUM my bodily, human nature.  I find it a rather self-compassionate way to be with the self.   I tend to stay with the mantra as long as is necessary and them simply sit with the feeling tone of just being with myself and with God, recognizing God within, the source of life, guiding, illuminating, ever present.   I sit with this human body, the worldly self and all its perceived imperfections that simply make me ‘me’.  I then let the light of my soul illuminate all the doubt, the not good enough, the regret and shame.  May I rest in my own divine presence and feel the loving gaze of God. Yes, this is more than enough.    I invite you to do the same.