I have been arising from sleep with a dark feeling, a mixture of worry, anxiety and sadness with an inability to sleep in. In order to shake this darkness, I need to get up and start the day.   I am wondering about what might be brewing in my unconscious mind.   As much as I proport or identify myself as a put together yogi that knows how to handle stress, maybe I am just not honestly addressing my shadow side, as I put on my mask of “I’ve got it all together, kindness is what I choose to show the world” persona every day.  This got me musing about lightness and darkness and all the hues of emotions in between.  Maybe I need to truly allow more of the hues to come into the light of day, so I can rest a bit more at night.   

Carl Jung, a 20^th century psychiatrist was the first to coin the phrase shadow side, defined loosely as the unconscious aspects of the personality (which can surface at night when we are sleeping.)  Often, we deny our weaknesses, hurts and flaws delegating these as less desirable and not to be brought out into the light, but to remain in the shadows.   The more parts of ourselves we deny the longer our shadow.  By denying these parts of ourselves we loosen our connection to God.   We can choose to hide but God is waiting for us, in the light of His presence we can see our shadow as just that, another part of ourselves that God already knows and deeply loves. 

Carl Jung was the son of a pastor, although he is known to the world for his work in psychology, he used his Christian roots throughout his career to illuminate the psychological roots of all religions. Jung believed spirituality is a psychological response to the unknown, both the inner self and the outer world.  I love this!  It explains so much about how we struggle and hopefully make peace with all of ourselves, with God and the God in all things.  

Jesus asks us to look deeper into our own psyche and our way of seeing frequently in the Bible, but illustrates this idea well in this verse from Mathew 7:4-5. Why do you observe the splinter in your brother’s eye and never notice the plank in your own? How dare you say to your sister or brother, ‘Let me take the splinter out of your eye’ when all the time there is a log in your own? Take the log out of your own eye first, and then you will see clearly enough to take the splinter out of your brother or sister’s eye”. 

 Jesus appears to be suggesting that we clear our vision or refine our awareness, the way we see (ourselves, others, our God) and then we will be able to see the next right action.   We recall that Jesus worked best through people that had been through major trails, sacred souls that society often looked away from.  Jesus saw their worth and even made them whole and holy for it through him.  This verse also points to Jesus asking us to awaken to clearer vision, perhaps deeper seeing of our whole selves so that we may truly feel the wholeness and holiness that Jesus desires for us.  The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light- Matthew 6:22.

So I allow the darkness, and the light, all hues of myself, my past and my current emotions.  I was feeling particularly sad one day this weekend over the pressing impermeant nature of our beloved family pet.  I allowed the tears, I allowed myself to truly feel this impending loss, the darkness lapping at my heart. Later as I sat in meditation seated on a blanket of fallen leaves, still witnessing the slowly falling oak leaves land around me, I almost smiled as I witness this falling away, the impermanence of all things, the play of the shadow and light which often inform each other.

  As I sat my sadness was held in a much larger container.  I frequently feel this way in the woods with more space around me, the solid earth below and the expansive sky above, like I am held by something larger than my own sadness.  I am held by a loving awareness from deep inside of me and all around me.  It brought to mind one of my favorite Bible verses from John 1:5. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.  I sensed this light of spirit like a beacon or a dimly lit candle within me, I often have these internal and external images when it comes to spirituality.   A sense that the light is always within me but also something that surrounds me, which I can sense in others and in the natural world.  The idea that God is within me and all around me.  A true comfort on this sad day. The idea that my sadness or darkness is just part of the whole, truly part of being holy, part of being held and known by a compassionate loving God.

 This line of musing reminds me of the phrase, as within, so without.  So, I sought out its source.  This phrase or little peal of wisdom in my eyes comes from the second verse of the Emerald Tablet, a Hermetic text from late eighth or early ninth century, with the fuller expression being As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…― Hermes Trismegistus.  Once again reinforcing the dance between the dark and light, the self and the whole or holy.

How we find peace in this dance of life is unique to all of us, however, you might guess at what is in my tool box, what is in yours?  What I do know to be true is there is no peace without spirit.  We all must find some stillness in the business of life, so we can know and embrace all of ourselves.  Once we have done this, and no it is not a one and done, it is an ongoing practice… we can begin to embrace the other.  Ironically sometimes the things that stir us up and aggravate us about our loved ones and not so loved ones are the shadow qualities we are denying in ourselves.  You see the best guide for a fulfilled life, is a self well known, add in recognition of spirit within and without and yes more light will stream in.   As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being. – Carl Jung.

You may find that this practice that I filmed this summer for increasing awareness aligns with this blog.